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Friday, January 28, 2011

Dating

Funny, I was reading a post over here about dating your spouse and it rang so true, it could have easily brought tears to my eyes (had I not been in the office, WORKING!)

I had a comment all typed up to respond, and then thought better of it ...

"the children will all leave and there we’ll be….just the two of us."

Years ago, we were having issues, like SERIOUS marital issues and were seeing a counselor. One of the first things the counselor told us is that line above. Of course, as a mom of 2 toddlers, I thought, phff, what does SHE know? Well, all these years later, where my heart breaks at the thought that my babies no longer need me at their age of 20 and 18, I realize, she was right.

See, when the kids move out, that will be the true test for us. Do we really like each other for who we are, not just as the mother and the father of the kids?

Is it just because the kids were there, we had a common ground/goal?

Do we still share the same interest, that has NOTHING to do with the kids?

Can we still make each other laugh when the kids are NOT around?

So far, I think I can say yes.

Sure, we have our differences. More often than not its about the kids (still) ... but we try to take turns instead of keeping "track" who was right or who was wrong (note: very very bad trap to fall into).

And yes, we do have our own favorite things (I HATE TV, he loves it, I LOVE reading, he hates it) and we just do whatever makes it work for us. It may not be perfect, but nothing in real life is ...

Another thing that I've seen happen in our relationship (mind you, I've dated this man since I was 15, so that would be ummm....31 years total) is that we speak to each other in ways that I wouldn't DREAM of speaking to a friend, no matter how close. Um, folks, we are talking about that snarky attitude you can get sometimes? You know, the one you would NEVER EVER use with a complete stranger? And of course, you DO realize that you are doing it and just think "oh, it's ok, he's my husband, he knows how I can be" but really, it's not ok. I need to keep reminding myself of that (and Hubby too since he falls there too sometimes).

I DO love my Husband. I like to think he knows that, and I only say so because I don't tell him that 10 times a day. I'm grateful for all the things he does (even if some things annoy me at at times). And more than anything else, I'm very appreciative that he allows me to be me, as much as it irritates him some times (chatty anyone??).

So, realizing today, for the first time, really admitting it, I need to start focusing on the two of us. Afterall, Sonny Boy will be moving off to College this fall. And the Princess wants to head back up towards Tallahassee this fall too ... so that leaves me, Hubby and the two cats (well, maybe only one if this fostering thing is really JUST a fostering thing) ...

My goal for the weekend? To connect, one on one. Just the two of us.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my, you sound like me 5 years ago. Our youngest married a Marine and moved to the East Coast. We had a hard time at first, bu have settled into a very happy life. By the way, DH and I met in 7th grade, 12 and 13. We started going together at the end of 7th grade. We have been married 32 years. The other night he was watching TV and I was reading a book sitting next to each other on the love seat in our TV room (former daughter's bedroom).

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  2. :) NOW that was sweet and promising for me to read! Thank you for the wonderful comment!

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